I Already Miss You Crunchy

I just wanted to say a word of farewell to my fellow blogstress Alice. Like her, I have always been concerned about how anything on the "internets" is there forever and can have lasting implications on your legal career. That is actually the main reason I have chosen to be anonymous and why my posts try to remain fairly general lest I be outed. It is unfortunate that things take on a life of their own in this blog world. While I think the Boalt kid that posted that bit about shooting up Hastings is stupid, I don't think he deserves the witch hunt that is currently going on. I bet if this had happened a few weeks ago when we had nice weather and weren't searching for a reason to procrastinate it would have blown over faster. In any event I will miss you Miss Crunchy. I will now have to find a new blog to check during class.

How Many Subjects Can a Person Learn in Less Than Two Weeks?

Only 11 days until finals and I finally started to outline for my closed book final today. As usual I am way behind but I am totally looking forward to the summer and not even four finals can bring me down. I figure if I stay optimistic and get the red bull iv started now I might have a chance of learning enough not to embarrass myself.

Back and Ready to Procrastinate

Finals are coming and so I am back and ready to procrastinate. I am so behind and yet still find the time to do anything but school work. I wish I could at least make myself go to sleep because at least that would be somewhat productive. Instead, I am up at an ungodly hour watching old episodes of law and order. I love that show; too bad it can't guarantee a couple Hs.

Burn Out

1L year they scare you to death. 2L year they work you to death. 3L year they bore you to death.

True to the adage above, 2L year has been squeezing the life out of me. I have never felt more overwhelmed in my entire life. It is amazing how many demands all kinds of people put on your time when you are a 2L. I think the experience is particularly acute for students of color because we have so much pressure both to do well academically as well as give back to our respective communities. There is always this sense of guilt when there is an important event or issue that comes up, and there is just no room in my schedule to help out. Although Boalt does have a fair amount of students of color, unfortunately there just aren't enough of us to do everything that needs to be done. Sometimes I wish I could just be a student who only cares about doing well in my classes. While I obviously could make that choice, I know I would feel to guilty not to be as involved as I am. I just wish I could clone myself right now. At this point I think I would need to make at least three of me to get all of my work done.

Halfway Through

Last week the Boalt Alumni Association had a halfway through party for the 2Ls. I got to load up on really cheap wine and appetizers, and shoot the breeze with mod mates who I haven't seen at all this semester. I was surprised by how nostalgic I became while looking around at all the people who slugged through 1L year with me. I guess it only takes a year to forget how annoying the person who shared long personal stories in torts was. Then again, maybe not. I’ll miss a lot of the people who helped me survive my first year, but I won’t miss everyone. I really can’t believe I only have a year and a half left before I can take the bar and become a lawyer. I feel like I am running out of time to do all the cool things I wanted to do during my time at Boalt. I never got to participate in any of the clinics, and I would still love to do an externship somewhere cool. I hope I have enough time to squeeze everything in.

Low Self-Esteem

I am just baffled at the sheer numbers of young girls and women walking the earth with low self-esteem. During conversations with friends I hear the endless stories of smart accomplished women put up with ridiculous amounts of crap, all in the name of not being alone. Why do so many people need to have outer validation to know that they are amazing? I am not saying that I have never hit rock bottom in the name of love, but there has got to be a limit.

I finally hit my limit of what I can understand, when I recently discovered a good friend of mine is anorexic. This person is super smart, cute, sweet, etc; yet where I see an attractive woman, she sees a fat, disgusting, hideous blob. She confessed to me that she has not eaten in 5 days and I am at a lost for words (which incidentally doesn't happen often). When I talked to her about the motivations behind her actions it became clear that she cares more about what a passing stranger thinks about her body than about her health. How could any guy love her if she is not a size 0 right? I just wish I could understand how someone gets there. How can you literally starve your self to death just because you are afraid that men won't find you attractive if you don't? I love men as much as the next straight woman, but hell would freeze over before I gave up eating for them. I don’t believe in living in hell before I die.

Misty Water Color Memories

I guess the beginning of a new year can breed nostalgia for some. How else can I explain why my old boyfriend from over four years ago decided to call out of the blue and see how I was doing? Mind you, this man is the same person who literally crushed my heart and brought me to my knees. I would have walked to the ends of the earth for this guy and almost gave up everything. He is the guy that taught me how foolish it is to travel half way around the world for a man and put all my career aspirations on hold. So I was shocked that he had the nerve to contact me after all this time. Part of me wishes I were married and living a life to be envious of. Granted being a law student at Boalt isn’t too shabby but I always fantasized that he would come back one day and I would be super thin, gorgeous, and married to a wildly successful husband. Even though I was tempted, I didn’t even respond. What could I really say?

Spare the Rod Spoil The Child?

CA State Assemblywoman Sally Lieber is trying to pass a law that would outlaw spanking a child under three years old. Now I'm all for protecting children, but I think this is going too far. Now I wasn’t a bad kid per se, but I had my share of spankings. While I obviously didn’t enjoy the sting of the chancla (sandal in English) across my butt at the time, I can see now how those spankings gave me boundaries and kept me in line. It amazes me how so many parents nowadays try to reason and rationalize with their children when they throw a nasty fit in public. I know if my mom were handling it, that tantrum would be over in seconds. Its not like I had to be spanked all the time. I think one or two good spankings usually do the trick. Call me a child abuser, but I am pretty sure when/if I have children I will spank them if they get out of line. Ms. Lieber better stay out of my way or she can take care of my bad ass kids.

Good To Be Back

Although I would like to post more, I spent the first week of school hunting for interesting classes that fit my desire to have a four-day weekend. I surfed so many classes and scrawled my name on so many wait lists I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get my schedule straight. I was sweating it out on the wait list for about 80% of all my classes, but I just checked my status today and it looks like I am officially in all the classes I wanted. Unfortunately, many of my fellow students were not as lucky. I don't know what happened this semester, but it seemed like almost everyone I knew was on the wait list for the classes they wanted. I know a few poor souls who got stuck taking really boring classes or trying to score an externship for credits at the last minute. Hopefully prospects will be better fall of next year. Then again, as a 3L I am not so sure I will be a good student and a good class might be wasted on me. In any event, it is good to be back.

Happy New Year

I love new years day because it feels like everything is possible and you get to begin the new year with a fresh start.

This year I will work out at the gym at least five times a week, only eat healthy food, read all the reading assigned for each class before every class, start outlining more than a week before finals, go to office hours and ask well thought out questions that demonstrate my sophisticated understanding of the material, balance extracurricular activities with school well, spend more time with my family, and last but not least—have some fun.

YEAH RIGHT. Happy New Year anyway! Hope springs eternal that 2007 will be much better than 06.

Study, Surf the Internet, Caffienate

I have studied for at least five days straight living off of red bull and popcorn. Not a pretty thing, I assure you. I wouldn’t have to study so hard if it wasn’t for the fact that I did absolutely no studying during the entire semester (even though I promised myself at the outset that I wouldn’t do that again). In any event, it sure seems like people are stressed. How else can you explain the bitch fest on nuts and boalts about undergrads using the law library and the existence of piddly 100-dollar grants for students who want to go to a law related conference? Truly there are more important things in the world to worry about, but I chalk it up to people wanting an excuse to procrastinate. Where you see Boalt students debating about whether there is a lack of transparency about special programs at Boalt, I see a person trying to avoid finishing their outline. Seriously, people need to have a drink, get laid, go for a run, eat some chocolate, do something/anything to blow some steam off. We are in the home stretch folks!

Under Pressure

While I admit the finals theme on here is redundant, I have mere days left to learn entire subjects. I'm not stressed in the crazy 1L way, but I am definitely feeling the pressure build. It never ceases to surprise me how overly optimistic I am when I estimate how long it will take me to finish something. I actually told myself (and believed) that I could outline for an entire course in about two days. That could have happened if I wasn't me. Maybe if I was hooked up to a red bull IV and hopped up on Adderall I could have completed that feat, but no, I'm still my usual old self who compliments every 20 minutes of outlining with at least 10 minutes of internet surfing. I am so screwed.

Spending Money I Haven't Made Yet

Although my shopping habits have been significantly curtailed by my last minute cramming for finals, I have still been able to get out and check out some of the Christmas sales. I have to admit that the coupons I have been getting in the mail from various retailers have been singing a siren song to me. All I hear as I look at the promises of 25% and 35% off is spend! Spend! Spend! Unfortunately for me I am broke, broke, broke. However, I have started to entertain the dangerous thinking that since I have a well paying job in the summer, I can afford to splurge a little. What is another pair of shoes when I am already over 80K in the hole? The problem of course is that I don’t really need to put myself in any more debt than I am already in. Additionally, I have a bad habit of buying stuff for myself instead of the salutary act of buying things for others. In short, it is probably a good thing I will be in finals hell almost right up until Christmas because it will save me from my spendthrift ways. Maybe someone needs to do an intervention for me.

Dating Disclosure

Even though the pickings are admittedly slim in Berkeley, I have still been able to find a couple guys worthy of dating (outside of Boalt of course). Given my crazy schedule, nothing has evolved into anything serious and I am just having a good time. In any event, while having lunch with a friend, the topic of dating and disclosure came up which got me thinking. At what point do you have an obligation to tell someone that you are not dating them exclusively? Do you ever have an obligation to tell them? I am of the mindset that unless a guy states explicitly that he is only dating me, I assume that he may be dating other women as well. Consequently, I have never felt bad about dating more than one person at a time without letting them know. My friend disagrees. Am I the one in the wrong here?

The Finals Are Coming!

Finals are coming and people are starting to get tense. All the 1ls are scurrying around and finishing their outlines while the 2ls and 3ls are barely getting around to possibly making an outline or at least downloading one from boalt.org. Although I usually avoid the reading room at all costs, I was there recently and it was amusing how many people in there get upset when they hear sounds like the clacking of heels, the shifting of books, or the opening and closing of the door. I can’t help but thinking it is so pointless to get so worked up. People make noise when the move, get over it. Although I should be more stressed about preparing for finals, I am surprisingly relaxed. Maybe the fact that I am already employed for the summer finally sunk into my subconscious or maybe the little competitive monster living inside me has decided to take a sabbatical. Whatever the reason, I am looking forward to my two weeks of Christmas vacation freedom and spending money I don’t have. Any suggestions for books to read over the break? I might as well start my list now.

Another Reason Why It Feels Good to Win

As part of their plan to win back voters to the Democratic Party, the Dems have promised that one of their first acts will be to cut interest rates on federally backed student loans from 6.8% to 3.4%. According to this article, the Republicans really took good care of the student loan industry, and the impending transfer of party control is producing anxiety for lenders who could count on the Republicans to screw over students. One republican congressman went so far as to say (while the reps still controlled Congress), "I have all of you in my two trusted hands. At the end of the day, I believe, you'll be at least satisfied, or even perhaps even happy with the final budget bill."

Comically, the republicans also said, that cutting interest rates would not address a more fundamental problem: the rising cost of college. "The interest rates shouldn't be the major issue here. Rather, the principal — the amount of money students are forced to borrow because of skyrocketing costs — should be," said Steve Forde, a spokesman for Republicans on the House education committee. "Unfortunately, House Democrats don't see it that way and are taking a Band-Aid approach." Correct me if I am wrong, but these are the same people who wanted to give ZERO relief to students? Now all of a sudden they care how much I am shelling out for my education? Talk about hypocrisy. I am so happy the Dems are ruling the roost. I hope they can utilize their new power effectively.

Slower Traffic Keep Right

Thanksgiving was great. I tried to do some work, honestly I did, but all I really managed to do was eat obscene amounts of pumpkin pie and turkey. Although I am certainly stressed about getting ready for finals, I definitely don't feel the same panic I felt as a 1L. I love being a 2L with a job already lined up.

Anyway, on my way back from visiting my family I was forced to languish behind old people, and people who don’t understand that an open highway and clear sky practically begs a car to speed. As I passed sign after sign that says “slower traffic keep right,” I got more and more frustrated with the people who insist on doing 70mph in the left lane. At first I tried to be patient and scouted for openings in the right lane so I could weave around the dead weight, then I glared at them in the hopes they would sense my hostility and fear my road rage, and finally I resigned myself to fantasizing about ramming them, but nothing worked. I was going crazy. Who are these people, and why do they conspire to keep my odometer below 90? There is a group however, that has come up with a reasonable solution. Everyone should be given a paintball gun and when a person refuses to move over, you can shoot the offender's license plate. If a person has more than three marks on their license plate, the CHP gets to cite them. Sounds like a great idea to me.

Heading For Self Destruction

As finals are rapidly approaching I seem to be incapable of reading for more than 30-40 minutes at a time. I am so behind and yet I can’t seem to break myself of my full-blown TV addiction. I’m starting to think that maybe I do have adult ADD. How else can I explain why I have cleaned my apartment from top to bottom to avoid reading when I hate to clean? Maybe I’ll ask my abuelita to get me some unregulated, dispensed without a prescription Adderall on her next trip to TJ.

I guess the bigger question I should ask myself is why I even care about grades now that I have a cool job to look forward to for next summer, and potentially after graduation. Somehow I am just unable to purge the competitive streak I have from my personality. Something about the whole P=JD outlook (to the non-Boalt people, you get a "P" if you passed) has never resonated with me even though I don’t always get good grades. Its sick, I know.

What A Beautiful Morning

After experiencing some bruising mornings after an election (like Nov 2004) I wasn't sure what kind of morning I was in for. As I woke up and turned on the TV today, I was greeted with some of the best news I have seen in years. Finally, Democrats won and won big. Not only do we have control of the House, but we also have a woman as the Speaker of the House. Now I just have to keep my fingers and toes crossed that Senate control will fall to the Democrats as well. Today is a good day.

One of a Kind

I blew off all my responsibilities for today and even turned down an invitation to go somewhere fun in the hopes of catching up in at least one class. Instead, I am surfing the web and doing random blog quizzes (hat tip: life far away). I am such a procrastinator.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?