New Lows

Although Valentines Day is now firmly in the past, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the horror of my Valentines Day. As many of the ladies of Boalt can attest, the choices we are faced with are less than ideal. Most of the women are beautiful, smart, accomplished while the men are not quite at the same level. Don't get me wrong, there are a few rays of hope walking around in the halls but for the most part the attractive men are married or in a relationship. So as a single woman I didn't have high hopes for valentines day to begin with. But then I met him. A cute grad student in another program who was taller than me, smart, and laughed at my jokes. Against my better judgment I allowed myself to think I might be doing something with a member of the opposite sex on V-Day rather than reading casebooks. We had drinks a few days before and I made sure I touched his leg, his arm, and gave him the eye contact that blatantly shows interest. We also had a few more long telephone conversations full of the deep thoughts that sow the seeds of infatuation. So when I called him and invited him to join me for drinks on V-Day I expected he would accept. Instead he told me that he was going to spend V-day studying at the library. Ouch. Not even a good excuse. I think law school is destroying my game.

Mommie Dearest

There was a lunchtime discussion today about balancing work and family after law school as well as “The Opt-Out Revolution”. Apparently the opt-out revolution refers to women leaving or planning to leave their careers after having children.

The organizers of the event played a video with interviews of three women lawyers (two of which were partners) and a man who had his own practice. The women talked about their experience working at a firm and what their life was like. None of the women had actually "opted out" and left their career to become a stay at home mother, and at least one seemed downright selfish and appeared to place her career over being a mother. So much for telling me how to balance family and work. I was struck by the way the first woman interviewed (a partner at Gibson Dunn) never really mentioned that it was important to be around for her child and instead offered a story about her colleague who hired a nanny/chauffeur to make sure someone picked up her kids from school and shuttled them around until the parents came home in the evening.

According to Ms. Partner, kids only have the "baby face" for so long and then they don't need you around as much anymore as they get older. You can always delegate duties like cooking, taking kids to soccer practice, and generally being around to other people. In her world you are successfully juggling a demanding legal career and a family as long as you still squeeze enough time in to have dinner with your kids. It seemed sad to me that she didn’t seem to think she was missing out on being a meaningful part of her kid's life.

Which brings me back to the question that has been nagging me for quite awhile. Can you have it all? Does working for a big firm turn you into mommie dearest or a bad mother?

I tend to think you can't have your cake and eat it too. Sure, picking your kid up from school or taking them to a dance class isn't something that you can't pay other people to do, but I think you miss out on creating and maintaining a strong bond with your child. I believe the concept of "quality time" being better than quantity is just a fiction created to assuage guilt. I think we all want to believe we can have it all and I am starting to think it just isn't possible. Something probably has to give, and in my case that probably means foregoing the big law firm route for something more family friendly.

I'd Rather Be Fishing

Although it may be unseemly to gripe while being at a law school where the students are great and the weather is pretty nice I just have to complain about the insanity that is WOA (Writing and Oral Advocacy to the uninitiated). This class is pass/no pass, worth one credit and is the bane of my existence. WHY oh WHY do I have to write a stupid brief about a case that is as exciting as watching paint peel? Why is it so much damn work? Is this a preview of my life should I take that detour to BIGLAW instead of doing public interest? I feel like I have lost hours of my life I will never get back working on something that is meaningless. Somebody tell me there is some practical application for all this work I am doing, I beg you.

What Was She Thinking?!!!!

As if my opinion of Britney Spears couldn't get worse, now I find out that she drove with her newborn son in her lap despite the fact she could have killed him if the air bags deployed. What was she thinking? It defies logic that anyone would fail to see the danger of having a child in the front seat. What does she need? A picture of a bloody and beheaded baby to understand the irresponsibility of her choice? I know in the scheme of world events this isn't that important but I hate to see parents put their children in obviously dangerous situations.

First Amendment Fundamentalists

As I reluctantly opened my eyes this morning, I was greeted with a very interesting speech by Rabbi Michael Lerner on my alarm clock radio. Essentially he said the problem progressives have with capturing the hearts of those we are losing to the "right" lies in our inability to acknowledge the importance of spirituality and articulate "politics of meaning."

He argues, that progressives' disdain for religion has made them deaf to the spiritual needs that underlie the move to the right. The left's unwillingness to engage in a serious debate about issues of spirituality has left a void which is exploited by Republicans. The sometimes justified anger over the way that some religious communities have fostered racism, sexism and homophobia, has created a knee-jerk hostility to religion that has both marginalized people on the left who actually do have spiritual yearnings and simultaneously refused to acknowledge that many who move to the right have legitimate complaints about the selfishness in American life.

I think he has put his finger on a huge issue that has crippled progressives in their attempts to move beyond dominance only in traditionally blue states. 86.8% of Americans view themselves as religious. To ignore that religion and spirituality are at the heart of most people's lives is foolish.

Also, I think there has been a tendency to advocate so strongly for a separation of church and state, that the adherents become as narrow minded as the right wing fundamentalists they oppose. I by no means have the answer to all of the problems that plague the left (if I did I’d probably be an overpaid consultant right now). That said, it is imperative that we begin to address the place spirituality should play in every day life and move away from this rabid need to secularize politics. Lets talk about real Judeo-Christian values that demand we take care of our fellow man and prevent the violence of war. It could be just the right jump start we need.

The First Lady of the Civil Rights Movement

I watched part of Coretta Scott King's funeral today and was struck by the void of progressive leadership. In the past there have been so many icons with expansive agendas and a vision. It feels like people who advocate for civil rights have either seen their advances rolled back or remain stagnant.

Also, I couldn't believe that Bush had the nerve to show up to her funeral. I'll grant that he was in a Catch-22 situation, but his presence seemed so disingenuous. He has done nothing to advance civil rights and yet there he was. That said, I still think the criticisms lodged against him DURING the funeral were in poor taste. A funeral isn't really the place to steal the spotlight to get a few jabs in. It is a funeral for christsakes.

Love Is A Battlefield

My poor sister is experiencing the crushing devastation of breaking up with her boyfriend. It is times like these where you wish you could spare them the hurt and pain. I wish I could give her some words of wisdom to assuage the grief that she feels, but instead I spit out platitudes and listen quietly. I can't believe the loser actually gave her the whole "I need space" crap excuse. This of course is worse than other break-up reasons because there is no clean break. Instead it leaves a ray of hope that the break is temporary, which is usually much worse than saying it is over. Yep...the little jerk will keep her hanging and languishing while he makes a decision.

Strange as it sounds, hearing her spill her heart out about the situation took me back to my first heartbreak. I remember it being so intense and feeling like the world stopped turning. I never thought I would ever meet another person like him. (Thank God I was right!!) Of course it took me awhile to move from the mourning stage to the visceral hate stage, but I made the transition after many months of writing bad poetry and rebound date after rebound date. All this of course, is a long winded way of saying I understand how utterly terrible breaking up feels and just because it hasn't happened to me in a long time doesn't mean I can't relate. Hearing her get weepy made me wince and I wish I could kick the guy's skinny ass. After all, he has a lot of nerve dumping my sister when she is clearly cuter and smarter than him. I am unbiased of course. I feel like there should be a family violence exemption where I could get a few punches in with impunity. I feel like the "I need my space" excuse that leaves the other partner in relationship limbo demands that type of response.

I'm Ready for My Close-Up, Mr. DeMille

Hello world. I am a law student at UC Berkeley's Boalt Hall School of Law and this blog will chronicle my survival in the belly of the beast. Ok, maybe that is a little dramatic but law school can be hectic when all you want to do is relax and participate in "bar review."