:'(

Although Michael Jackson had a twisted history with its share of controversy, I am so sad that he is gone. I feel silly for feeling his dead so acutely, but I can't help it. Michael Jackson wrote the soundtrack to my childhood. I will never forget holding his thriller cassette tape in my hand and playing it all summer while I swam all day long in my grandma's pool. I knew every word and choreographed quite an elaborate set of backflips and swirls to thriller. Seriously, I think he would have been proud.

I owned a red pleather jacket and a singular silver glove. One of my most prized possessions was a blown up picture of Michael that was allegedly taken by my mom's friend who was a roadie for Michael. There is something about his music that no one else has ever recreated for me. There has been no one like him and I will miss his music dearly. I only hope that he has now found the peace that seemed to elude him during his time on earth.

Tired

I don't think I had any sense of how hard I would be working once I started. I knew I would be working long hours, but I didn't understand how it would feel to spend late nights day in and day out on something I am not necessarily passionate about. I know I should be grateful to have a job, and I am. Life is just very different from being a law student. I am really happy that I get to do many different things and have even had some contact with our clients. Doing pro bono work also helps keep things interesting. I'm not unhappy, I just know I am not meant to do this type of work forever. I'm getting a little tired trying to stay at this pace.

Survivor

This month marks my sixth month at my firm. So far I survived the layoffs and am hoping I will be able to survive any further cuts. Allegedly they are done eliminating attorneys for at least another year, maybe longer. While I think that might be largely true, I suspect that our upcoming evaluations will be more critical than they would be during more prosperous times.

That said, I have stopped spending any energy on worrying about getting cut. At this point there is nothing I can do, but do my job well. So far so good. I do feel like I am a little lucky because my firm didn't want to cut first years and take that reputational hit. I am not sure how I would handle the extended deferments many of my friends are facing. It is rough out there.

Woooo Hooooooooooo

The name above appears on the pass list for the July 2008 California Bar Examination.

Knock Twice If The Answer Is Yes...

With mere hours left to go I have finally worked out my notification plan to family and friends. If I pass, I will send a text message saying so. If I didn't pass, don't expect to hear from me for awhile. Leave me alone and no one gets hurt. Although I have told people my plan, I have a feeling some people (I'm looking at you mom) will think this does not apply to them. Seriously people, don't call me, I'll call you (or not). The suspense is killing me and the random people asking me how I did is not helping. At least by this time tomorrow I will know my fate.

Countdown

I have been trying to avoid thoughts of the bar with little success. Now that just about everyone has heard their fate (including my friends from New York), it is impossible to ignore. Every day something or someone triggers bar thoughts that send waves of anxiety through my body. I don't know how I managed to stop thinking about the bar for a few months. Although I don't feel like I failed, I don't feel certain that I passed either. I am just hoping that all of us in California get some good news soon. I am also hoping that I never have to do all this again.

Don't Ask Me

Questions Not to Ask Me:

1. So...did you pass?
2. So how do you think you did?
3. Was the test hard?
4. I have a problem, can you give me some legal advice?

Maybe I am just being a grouch, but I am sick of the people asking me about the bar. Do not ask me shit about the bar, ever. If I want to talk about it I will. Otherwise, never bring it up. I have been doing a pretty good job about not thinking about it and people that try to re-open that wound are really starting to irritate me.

Also, just because I graduated from law school doesn't mean that I either know anything about the law, or want to help you with your particular legal problem. I am not a walking, free legal aid.

Someone actually had the nerve today, to ask me how to help a 26 year old guy that was convicted of molesting a 14 year old girl. Obviously this person had no idea that I was the absolute last person that he should have asked this question. Although I am against the death penalty, I would gladly make an exception for child molesters and rapists in a second. I was so angry my head almost exploded. The guy was lucky he was a friend of my significant other. Had he not been my sweetie's co-worker I would have ripped his head off. Instead I practically growled that a 14 girl is incapable of giving consent (despite his protest to the contrary) and walked away. What the hell is wrong with some people?

Lazy Latina

Now that I am not trying to cram random crap in my head, I barely know what to do with myself. I wish I could say I was using each day to the fullest by going to the beach, or napa, or travelling the world. Instead, I am catching up on Judge Judy and the Maury show. I am just so lazy and it takes a big effort to get me to do anything. Since I start work in a couple weeks I am trying to not feel guilty about being such a sloth. I figure as long as I am not thinking about the bar, everything is good. I hope I can keep it out of my head until the end of November. There is no point in thinking about what I got wrong or how certain essays (I'm looking at you essay #6) killed me. No, I would rather catch up on who is and isn't a baby daddy on Maury instead. There really is some quality TV on during the day. I am going to miss being a lazy Latina when I have to go back to work.

One of the 18 Million Cracks in the Glass Ceiling

Now that bar hell is over I have been pretty lazy and just enjoying my time off. Being a political junkie I have been watching the democratic national convention all day. Although it is time to move on and elect a democratic president, I am still a proud supporter of Hillary. After hearing her speech tonight I still think she was the best choice and hope I get a chance to vote for her in the future. At the very least I am hopeful she will have a strong voice in the Senate and continue to fight for important things like universal health care.

So Long Hippies!

As a die hard Cal bears fan I have been monitoring the tree squatters situation for a long time. It looks like a final decision will be made tomorrow. Today, instead of catching up on Barbri assignments that I have gotten behind on, I did some hippie watching. It was much more fun that doing the crim MBE questions that are waiting for me. As I was watching the cops try to cut zip lines and the hippies wailing, a random high school kid walked by and asked what was going on. When someone explained the struggle of the tree squatters, he asked the funniest question I ever heard: are they paying rent? Ha! I wish.

I am tempted to pack my lunch and spend the afternoon watching the police finally evict the tree squatters once and for all. The suspense of what the judge will decide tomorrow is killing me. No matter what, tomorrow is moving day.

La Mitotera, the Grouch

Aside from going through every emotion daily (hope, despair, anger, fear) I have also noticed that my feelings are so close to the surface lately. I can watch a stupid TV show and burst into tears. Or someone can take too long picking their ice cream, thus blocking my ability to grab a pint, and I get super pissed off. (Word to the wise, don't get between me and ice cream.) I go from being super confident that I will pass the bar, to fearing I might fail. I just wonder if all this is normal. I don't remember being this crazy during 1L. Then again, you can't really fail during your 1L year at Boalt. Oh how I miss the good old days. I didn't know how good I had it.

Girlfight in Barbri

The morning and the evening classes at Boalt seem markedly different. Maybe it is the type of people that go to the morning classes, the greater number of people, or maybe it the the less comfortable room, but it seems like there are more quirky and anxious people in morning Barbri. I get there every morning no later than 8:30 to find a seat. Unfortunately the class meets in Booth Auditorium and thus has a limited amount of seats with ample table space. Late comers have to squeeze into the side seats with tables approximately the size of a legal pad. Given that reality, I understand how some people get tense when they can't get a good seat.

It therefore came as no surprise that we finally had a fight over seats in class. Every morning the people like me who come early, pick a seat and sometimes drape a coat over a chair to save a seat or two for our chronically late friends. Some poor soul did the same thing and got more drama than was deserved.

Just like many of us, a girl saved a seat to her left and to her right in one of the front rows. (If she was saving a whole row, I might see things differently.) Another girl (anxious girl) came in and was upset about the saved seat because it was the seat she customarily sat in. The girl stood her ground and anxious girl took a seat in the front row. As the barbri video started anxious girl started to twitch and decided that she wanted her old seat. After all, the seat was still vacant and the video had begun. Nevermind that the person who was going to sit in the seat was just arriving or that anxious girl had a new and comparable seat, she wanted to sit in her old seat. (As an aside, this is not the first time anxious girl took a "saved" spot. The difference this time was that someone put up a fight)

After anxious girl pushed aside the stuff saving the seat she tried to sit in the seat. What ensued was actually kind of comical. Both girls tried to push each other out of the seat and at some point one of them was sitting on top of the other. Some of the people in the class freaked out that they were not able to pay attention during the cat fight and asked for the video to be stopped. The whole thing was ridiculous.

While I generally don't begrudge people the quirks that help them survive bar hell, there is something to be said for realizing when you you are getting out of hand. If someone take your favorite seat, get over it, sit in another seat. I know it sucks, but it just means you either need to come to class earlier or go to the evening class where there is absolutely no jockeying for seats. Don't force someone to give up the spot they may have saved for their friend (who could be in the bathroom or running late for some good reason) just because you didn't get to class earlier. This is especially true if there are many other good seats to chose from. I think I would have been more sympathetic to anxious girl if she didn't already secure a perfectly suitable replacement seat. I know for a fact I would have put up a fight the same way non-anxious girl did.

Somebody Stop Him, Really

Today I was subjected to Professor Chemerinsky and it was brutal. I don't care if he can recite his whole outline from memory without looking at notes. I don't care if he is one of the brightest constitutional scholars of our time. Can't they just get someone who is funny and interesting? The problem with having the funny Torts guy, is that now no one will seem good in comparison. I would settle at least for a good looking guy to read me the same notes on Constitutional Law. Actors memorize lines all the time. How about Benjamin Bratt to read me Corporations? Or better yet, I am sure George Lopez could come up with some good criminal law jokes. How about him? And just to show I am not selfish, why not have Eva Longoria read something for the guys?

Blessed

Whenever I embark on something new and scary I invariably fall back to the things that have always helped me persevere. Although many may not know this about me, I am actually pretty religious. I feel very strongly that the only reason I have gotten this far is because of God.

Although it may seem a little lame, I have depended on God to help me through even the smallest things (like learning to drive). When I first learned how to drive I was so petrified, that I would only listen to gospel music in my car. It took almost 6 months before I could give Yolanda Adams a rest and just start my journey on the freeway with a simple prayer. Now, as I face the bar I find myself doing the same thing I have always done. Aside from making a new gospel playlist for the ipod, I have also starting praying more regularly again. I hope God doesn't think of me too much as a fair weather friend since I seem to become more devoted during times of difficulty. Given his omnipotent status, I am sure he knows how thankful I am for the blessings he has given me (even if I don't go to church as much as I should).

I am comforted by the fact that God has never ever failed me in my entire life, and I know he won't now. That doesn't necessarily mean that I will pass this time around (but I think/hope I will). It just means that no matter what happens I know God will look out for me and I will be ok. I am grateful for that feeling of peace, because it is the only thing standing between me and buying some ice cream to self-medicate because of stress.

Unsolicited Advice

As someone who got an offer from my law firm last year, I feel like I can give unsolicited advice about getting an offer. Some of this is obvious, and some of it depends on the firm you are at, and its overall structure/culture. This is not an exhaustive list.

1. Communicate!
When you get your assignment, make sure you ask your reviewer tons of questions. Ask them if they recommend any sources to start with, how long they anticipate the assignment should take, and what is the drop dead deadline. If you start having trouble with your assignment communicate that right away. I have heard from many attorneys that communication is a big weakness for many summers, because they are too afraid to speak up when they need help.

2. Don't Be Shy
Reach out to people in your practice group and ask them if they would like to go to lunch or grab coffee sometime. Since the firm is bankrolling their java fix or lunch, they should be more than happy to take you (unless they are really busy). This is a great way to find out if you are a good fit for that practice group.

3. Make Sure People Know You Are Working
This might seem like odd advice, but keep your door open or cracked so attorneys walking by can see you working. Some people like to keep their doors shut while they work, but this can often look like you are not in your office. Also, if you happen to work late one night, make sure to take a quick stroll down the hall or near the office of your reviewer so they know you are a hard worker and willing to work late when necessary. (Obviously if you work at a firm that strongly discourages working late, don't do this. Also, don't do this all the time or it might seem fake. Do it just enough for them to know you are a hard worker.)

4. Go to the Major Events (and events specific to your practice group)
Although you don't have to go to all of the events, it is important to be seen and to interact with others. Everyone wants to know that you will be a pleasant person to work with. Also, make sure you go to events specific to your practice group to get a head start in making friends, and identifying people you will want to work with when you return the next year.

5. Get an Ally on the Summer Committee
If possible, get to know some of the people on the summer committee and try to develop a relationship with them. You can try do this by inviting one of them to lunch or coffee. If you are able to cultivate a relationship with someone on the committee, it is likely that you can find out if there are problems ahead of time, and that person can also vouch for you when it is time to give out the offers.

Although I can probably come up with more, those are my top five. Anyone else have any other suggestions?

Tequila!

This is how I celebrate three years of hard work. Congrats to everyone else that graduated too.

So Hood

I hung up my graduation gown to shake some of the wrinkles out today, and was admiring how much the hood looks like colorful butterfly wings or something like that. I think that it is especially fitting since my favorite book as a child was the hungry caterpillar and I always thought it would be cool to be a butterfly. I have to admit that even after reading the 5 part instructions on how to attach the hood, I have no idea how the fancy hood thing works. Still, it looks pretty cool and way better than my high school and college graduation gown.

Charge It!

Although I am not yet done with finals, I have been out shopping. Given that it should be fairly warm in the East Bay this summer and air conditioning is scarce, I thought I should get a whole new cool and comfortable wardrobe. Every time I pick through a clothes rack and pick another thing to buy I think, "you should buy this, it will help you pass the bar". While I hardly need an excuse to shop, I love using this rationale in my head. Yes, you "need" those shorts. How can you concentrate in Barbri if you don't have a cute pair of shorts that keep you cool and match the new top you bought? It makes sense to me. I blame the blog, a girl walks into a bar exam for giving me the idea.

Best Things About Berkeley?

Now that I am in full procrastination mode, I was trying to think up all of the things I will miss about Berkeley once I leave. So far I have only come up with Yogurt Park. Maybe if I procrastinate some more I can think of some other things I will miss. Don't you just love finals and the way they can prompt you to do anything but what you are supposed to be doing? Is there anything you would add to a list of good things about Berkeley?

The Full "Berkeley" Experience

After warning my family about the Yoo protesters, I have changed my mind about not wanting them to protest. It turns out that every family member I have told is getting a big kick out of the idea that there will be protesters. They feel like they are going to get the full Berkeley experience. Out of everyone, my grandmother was the most enthusiastic about getting to see the orange people. So, protest away orange people, I support you!