:'(

Although Michael Jackson had a twisted history with its share of controversy, I am so sad that he is gone. I feel silly for feeling his dead so acutely, but I can't help it. Michael Jackson wrote the soundtrack to my childhood. I will never forget holding his thriller cassette tape in my hand and playing it all summer while I swam all day long in my grandma's pool. I knew every word and choreographed quite an elaborate set of backflips and swirls to thriller. Seriously, I think he would have been proud.

I owned a red pleather jacket and a singular silver glove. One of my most prized possessions was a blown up picture of Michael that was allegedly taken by my mom's friend who was a roadie for Michael. There is something about his music that no one else has ever recreated for me. There has been no one like him and I will miss his music dearly. I only hope that he has now found the peace that seemed to elude him during his time on earth.

Tired

I don't think I had any sense of how hard I would be working once I started. I knew I would be working long hours, but I didn't understand how it would feel to spend late nights day in and day out on something I am not necessarily passionate about. I know I should be grateful to have a job, and I am. Life is just very different from being a law student. I am really happy that I get to do many different things and have even had some contact with our clients. Doing pro bono work also helps keep things interesting. I'm not unhappy, I just know I am not meant to do this type of work forever. I'm getting a little tired trying to stay at this pace.

Survivor

This month marks my sixth month at my firm. So far I survived the layoffs and am hoping I will be able to survive any further cuts. Allegedly they are done eliminating attorneys for at least another year, maybe longer. While I think that might be largely true, I suspect that our upcoming evaluations will be more critical than they would be during more prosperous times.

That said, I have stopped spending any energy on worrying about getting cut. At this point there is nothing I can do, but do my job well. So far so good. I do feel like I am a little lucky because my firm didn't want to cut first years and take that reputational hit. I am not sure how I would handle the extended deferments many of my friends are facing. It is rough out there.

Woooo Hooooooooooo

The name above appears on the pass list for the July 2008 California Bar Examination.

Knock Twice If The Answer Is Yes...

With mere hours left to go I have finally worked out my notification plan to family and friends. If I pass, I will send a text message saying so. If I didn't pass, don't expect to hear from me for awhile. Leave me alone and no one gets hurt. Although I have told people my plan, I have a feeling some people (I'm looking at you mom) will think this does not apply to them. Seriously people, don't call me, I'll call you (or not). The suspense is killing me and the random people asking me how I did is not helping. At least by this time tomorrow I will know my fate.

Countdown

I have been trying to avoid thoughts of the bar with little success. Now that just about everyone has heard their fate (including my friends from New York), it is impossible to ignore. Every day something or someone triggers bar thoughts that send waves of anxiety through my body. I don't know how I managed to stop thinking about the bar for a few months. Although I don't feel like I failed, I don't feel certain that I passed either. I am just hoping that all of us in California get some good news soon. I am also hoping that I never have to do all this again.

Don't Ask Me

Questions Not to Ask Me:

1. So...did you pass?
2. So how do you think you did?
3. Was the test hard?
4. I have a problem, can you give me some legal advice?

Maybe I am just being a grouch, but I am sick of the people asking me about the bar. Do not ask me shit about the bar, ever. If I want to talk about it I will. Otherwise, never bring it up. I have been doing a pretty good job about not thinking about it and people that try to re-open that wound are really starting to irritate me.

Also, just because I graduated from law school doesn't mean that I either know anything about the law, or want to help you with your particular legal problem. I am not a walking, free legal aid.

Someone actually had the nerve today, to ask me how to help a 26 year old guy that was convicted of molesting a 14 year old girl. Obviously this person had no idea that I was the absolute last person that he should have asked this question. Although I am against the death penalty, I would gladly make an exception for child molesters and rapists in a second. I was so angry my head almost exploded. The guy was lucky he was a friend of my significant other. Had he not been my sweetie's co-worker I would have ripped his head off. Instead I practically growled that a 14 girl is incapable of giving consent (despite his protest to the contrary) and walked away. What the hell is wrong with some people?